“nobody understands me”
A common cry echoed by many. A cry which can be the source of much unhappiness, feelings of loneliness & despair, and relationship breakdown.
why do we crave to feel, “someone understands me”?
Perhaps it is because when someone understands me, I feel validated i.e., “It’s OK to be the way I am and to think /feel/behave the way I do.” This validation is very liberating. It means that, “I can be myself without having to hold back through fear of being judged or criticised.”
This feeling of being accepted is like a lifeline for our emotional and mental wellbeing. For us to feel secure inside we need to have conviction that our thoughts and beliefs are acceptable.
Non-acceptance of our ‘self’ creates inner conflict and stress. The negative energy generated by stress and conflict creates emotional energy blockages within us.
how do i get them to understand me?
The way a person interprets and understands reality is shaped by their innate nature, beliefs & values, and life experiences. No two people share exactly the same beliefs, values and life experiences. Hence, it is reasonable to expect that people will differ in their interpretation and understanding (and, thus, their expectations) of the world around them. E.g., one person may see a dog as a cute, cuddly pet, while another may regard it as a scary beast. It may not be that either is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ – simply that they view the world differently and, therefore, have different expectations.
Understanding, and wholeheartedly accepting, this essential truth (i.e. there’s nothing wrong with you or them if ‘they’ don’t understand you) is the first step to developing greater understanding in relationships.
how can i have more fulfilling relationships?
1) EMBRACE THIS ESSENTIAL TRUTH: When someone doesn’t understand my opinions, expectations or needs, (or I don’t understand theirs) it does not mean that either of us is ‘wrong’, ‘dumb’, or ‘insensitive’. – We just view the world differently.
– Accept myself as I am, i.e. understand and be aware of my own beliefs, values, likes/dislikes, and needs. – And honour them.
– Stop feeling guilty, or bad about myself, if I don’t match up to someone else’s expectations.
– Make friends with my own ‘self’, and be a friend to my ‘self’.
When we fully accept and befriend every aspect of our own ‘selves’ it diminishes the need to gain other people’s approval or understanding, and thus, liberates us.
3) ACCEPTANCE OF OTHERS:
-When others don’t live up to my expectations, or fail to understand my feelings/ point of view, I can allow them space and be tolerant.
– Rather than judging or labelling somebody, or their behaviour, I can seek to understand the underlying reasons for their opinions & behaviour, (e.g. attention-seeking or egoistic attitudes may be masking insecurity, caused by one’s basic needs not being met during childhood). Thus, I can remain compassionate towards them.
– I can refrain from forcing my own opinions or expectations on others, as this only causes mutual frustration and conflict.
how can i end feeling, “nobody understands me.”
Human thoughts and emotions generate energy, positive and negative. Thus, throughout life, our thoughts, feelings & experiences are ‘stored’ as energy forms within us. (Hence, we experience memory.) Any feelings or experiences which we resist, e.g. grief, anger, fear, frustration, are stored as negative energy.
E.g. a child who is over criticised feels hurt, rejection, misunderstood, and may develop limiting beliefs like, “I’m bad,” “Nobody likes me,” “Nobody understands me.” The negative energy of these suppressed thoughts & emotions is likely to keep manifesting throughout life, as low self-esteem, and self-destructive behaviour. It may progress to social anxiety, depression, fear of intimacy, addictions, & other disorders.
Most therapies aimed at removing the feeling, “Nobody understands me”, have limited success as they work only on a physical level: trying to change one’s thinking or behaviour patterns. They fail to address or deal with the underlying suppressed energy. This is like spraying perfume on dirty laundry and expecting it to smell good. Any ‘unwashed’ odour will still linger!
POSITIVE ENERGY HEALING works on all levels:
- Removes the negative energy of suppressed emotions & limiting beliefs (like washing the dirty laundry!).
- Gives a boost of positive Life Force Energy, which improves general wellbeing, and raises one’s tolerance & awareness. (Thereby, increasing one’s potential for understanding others and oneself.)
- A person who is holding on to feelings of hurt, anger, rejection may be projecting an energy of wariness, without being aware of it – like carrying a sign saying “I won’t let you close.” Obviously, this will prevent others from making the effort to connect with, and understand, the person.
POSITIVE ENERGY HEALING, by removing the negative energy of suppressed emotions, raises one’s vibration, and increases attraction in the energy one projects.
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